"Dumbing Down" Dominick

Dominick has turned three.  At age three Baby Net, the South Carolina agency for early intervention, stops their assistance and services.  That means no more in home therapy with Ashley from the Easter Seals, no more financial assistance with his speech and occupational therapy, no more financial assistance with any ABA therapy workshops and any other special needs services.  What do we do now that we have a three year old?  Who helps us? 

Ashley has worked extremely hard with us to file extensions for services.  We do not want to lose Ashley.  She has played the largest lead role in Dominick getting the help he needs and in guiding me to what I need to do and where to go for help and services.  She helped us file for TEFRA which will help us pay for all of his therapies.  She helped me file for the extension for her services in working in our home with us.  Luckily the day of his birthday we found out that we did receive approval for extension of benefits with Ashley.  We are still waiting to hear from SC Dept. of Health and Human Services Disability and Special Services for his TEFRA approval.  This could take up to six months.

Dominick is now categorized as "Low Risk" for Intervention Services.  These children are the first to get cut from funding.  GREAT!  We have had to have three different evaluations in the past couple of months.  During the evaluations I found myself praying he wouldn’t do that well during them.  Great, now I want to “Dumb Down” my kid.  I don’t want him to do too well. If he is doing better, if he progresses too much, if he is benefiting from his therapy he might run the chance of losing it.  Then he could regress and we would lose all of the progress he has made.

When we first started this journey with Dominick’s Autism I was scared of him not getting better, not talking, not responding to me, not hugging me, not being able to learn, not being able to interact with other people, not being able to say my name or that he loves me, not being able to play sports, not being able to one day have a job and a family of his own.  So how do I reconcile the fact that I now have replaced all of these fears with the new ones?  Dominick is talking, hugging, kissing, loving, asking for things, playing with other kids, looking me in the eye and talking to me.  All of those fears are fading. Now I am so scared because he is doing too well?  WHAT?  I can’t be happy with his progress because it could hurt him.  It could cause him to lose the help he receives.

Dominick has started going to Sugar Creek Elementary School.  He was able to attend the last week of school.  He will be starting summer school on June 28th.  He has Speech and Occupational Therapists.  He has a Clinical Psychologist and a Behavioral Specialist.  He attends Monday through Thursday for three hours a day.

His first day was pure HELL for me.  The drive there was torture.  I just wanted to turn the car around and take him back home.  We parked the Jeep and put his backpack on him.  He was so happy with the backpack on.  Grin from ear to ear.

They allowed us to walk him in on his first day.  We walked through the halls.  Kids are everywhere. Could he get lost in all the chaos of the morning hustle?  Would he know where to go if he got lost?  He would be so scared and alone.  Would one of the older kids make fun of him or bully him?  We walked into his classroom.  He takes off his backpack and puts it in his cubby which has his name on it.  Is he going to miss me or cry for me?  Will he be sad all day?  NOPE, NOPE & MORE NOPE!

He is looking around and is curious but still is staying close to me.  I realize it is time for us to start leaving and I start to feel a flush of panic.  I scoop my boy in my arms and squeeze him tight.  I do not want to let him go.  I kiss him and tell him I will see him very soon and Momma loves him very very much.  He is now starting to understand that I am leaving him and he starts to grab me tighter and won’t let me go.  I realize I made a huge mistake in telling him I was leaving.  It was my selfishness.  I forgot that this isn’t about me.  It is about Dominick and what he needs and I should have made it easier for him.  But it is time for me to cut the umbilical cord.  Ms. Morrill takes him from me.  He starts to scream for me and tries to get from her and is reaching for me.  She grabs a toy car and starts to get his attention.  He is calming down.  He starts playing.  Surprise…  He was just fine.

I couldn’t wait for 10:45am.  I got to the school at 10:30.  I watched the door to open without blinking. Kids were all over the playground.  All the sudden I see him.  He was holding one of his teacher’s hands.  He looked so happy.  He saw me and said MOMMY.  I grabbed him and held him tighter than I ever have.  My sweet little Monkey looked at me and said,”Back Pack”.