Can't Sleep + Google Autism = Crying

Navigating through so many different websites on Autism is difficult, confusing, depressing, hopeful, interesting and stomach turning to say the least.  I Google autism.  Then I Google autism awareness. Then autism therapies.  Then autism YouTube.  Then autism blogs.  I forgot my own rule I made for myself. Rule: Only digest a limited amount of information at a time so not to feel over whelmed or too sad.  Oopsie.  Not to mention Full Moon and PMS are great contributing factors to my emotional stability right now.

It is amazing the amount of support there is out there. Autism Speaks, National Autism Association, Autism Society of America, Autism Support Network, Easter Seals, Generation Rescue and on and on. The amount of information to digest is endless.  Am I learning the correct information?  Am I looking in the right direction?  For every great response to each organization there is a negative out there as well.

On YouTube you can see a lot of wonderful videos of children, different therapies in practice, informational fundraisers.  There are a few dedications to parents and children with music and pictures that will just get your gut wrenching and tears a flowing.

The blogs are very interesting to read.  A lot of opinions on how vaccines are the cause.  Or how mercury is the cause.  Or how diet will or will not work.  Along with a lot of pictures of beautiful children.

I can't remember where I read this but it went something along the lines of:  
Imagine being in a foreign country for one day not being able to speak the language.  Only recognizing a few words.  Not being able to ask anyone for help.  Not being able to understand anyone and them not being able to understand you.  Not being able to read their reactions to you and you not being able to understand them as well.  Not being able to convey to anyone what you need or want, if you are sick or hurt, hungry or thirsty or tired.  Now imagine you have to live this way every day.  This is the life of autism.

I read someone's response to a YouTube video of a mother who was just expressing her story of her daughter.  We have a similar story.  The anger in response to what I thought a beautiful video of love for her daughter was terrifying for me to read.  One person said, "You quote that more children are diagnosed with autism than cancer and aids combined.  Your child isn't going to die from autism. Autism isn't a death sentence."  You know what, you're right.  It isn't a death sentence.  It is a life sentence.

I can only hope that one day my son will grow out of this.  I can only hope that he will continue to hug me.  That he will call me Mommy again.  That he will be able to go to school with other kids and be able to function as well as them.  I have every hope in the world that this will happen for us.  I have every hope that all these hopes I have of simple everyday activities will be replaced with the bigger dreams I once had for him and still do its just they take a back seat to the smaller ones now.  I just do not have any guarantees that this day will come.  Only the hopes that this day will come.

One in every 110 children.  One in every 70 boys.  That is some very scary odds for the future of this country.  Who will take care of all these children?

To end this on a happier note… We do laugh from time to time.  On our way home from dinner tonight, Marty was getting Dominick to repeat stuff in the car.  Marty, “Say One”   Dominick, “Say One”   Marty, “Say Dominick”   Dominick, “Dominick”   Marty, “Mi nombre es Dominick”    Dominick, “gibber gabber gibber gabber”    Deva, “Our son isn’t autistic. He’s Spanish!” Well it was funny to us.