Patience Has A Whole New Meaning

For those of you who know me patience is something I haven't had a whole lot of in my life.  I hate surprise parties.  I can't ever seem to get a gift for someone to early because I always tell them what it is or give it to them early.  My poor daughter can also testify to my lack of patience.  She knows all too well.  Especially those who I don't have a close personal relationship with.  I have zero patience with incompetence.  Simple tasks that are not followed or are done incorrectly make me want to scream my head off.  Poor Marty, my husband, has been a punching bag for my lack of patience.  I get this from both of my parents.  HARD HEADED!

I used to be a person who would say, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!"  I would especially apply that one to myself.  I don't believe this any longer.  Dominick has taught me the meaning of patience.

Before we knew of Dominick's diagnosis I would be sitting with him at lunch.  I would ask him if he was done or all finished.  I would get nothing back.  Not a verbal response.  Not a look of acknowledgement.  Nothing.  I would tell him he could get down once he responded.  Just say "All done" or "Finished" or "Down".  He would just sit there and do nothing.  I some days would beg for a response, "Please baby just talk to Mommy.  Just say all done or down.  Please."  I did my best not to let him see me upset or cry.  I did my best not to let him hear it in my voice.  But he did at times.  I wonder if he understood why I was upset or if he can understand.

Potty training is a whole new bag of tricks for me.  I have a potty training video he watches and we have Pee Pee Potty Time where I take him to his potty and put him on it.  He used to sit on the potty for a minute but now he just wants to take the potty apart and play in the bathroom.  I still haven't gotten lucky once with him sitting on the potty.  How do you get someone who doesn't ask for anything to tell you he needs to potty?  How do you explain to someone who might not even understand what you are saying how to use the potty?  I would like to take this moment to thank my daughter Hailey for being the perfect baby and being so easy to potty train.

I never know if Dominick is hungry.  I never know if Dominick is thirsty.  I never know if he is craving a certain food or a certain drink.  I give him something to eat and drink throughout the day just because it is time to eat or drink.  I don't know if he is actually hungry or thirsty.  He has never told me.

Time outs still do work.  He does know when he is doing something he shouldn't do.  And if we have to tell him more than once he goes to time out.  We tell him why he is and what he did and what he should do instead.  Does he understand it all?  I hope so.

I will say I am very proud of myself for not raising my voice and yelling.  This is something very hard for me.  That is usually my first response.  I am a yeller.  I like to raise my voice to a very loud level.  It was how I was raised.  It has been all I have known.  So for me to not yell is a huge step forward for me.  Don't get me wrong, I AM NOT PERFECT.  I have some slips.  But not with Dominick.  I am doing it right with him.

Frustration is a part of life for me now.  Dominick isn't the only frustration factor in my life.  I hear someone say,  "I just wish they would stop asking me questions", or "I wish they would just stop saying Mama", or "I just wish he would leave me alone".  They just really do not know how lucky they are.  I would love to have any of those options.  Doctors are a huge part of it.  The whole process of finding help for Dominick is frustrating.  I am trying to be patient and let the whole process work.  The lack of info from everyone and the passing of the buck is enough to make me explode.  I accept it.  That is all I can do.  I let go.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer takes on a whole new meaning for me.  It never had true meaning for me before when I said it.  I didn't have a real struggle to go through.  Now I understand it truly.